summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
