I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
