OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize