i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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