do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
