I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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