I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
