I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
