I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
