i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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