What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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