I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
