This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
