You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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