She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
