8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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