In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
