whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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