i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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