Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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