i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ttyl tear gas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
