i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
