I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
