Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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