if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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