whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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