I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
