i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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