how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
