Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize