have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
