I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
