I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
