Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
