I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
