drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
