i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
