i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bring money and cleavage
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
