two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
