I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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