Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize