We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
