so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
