After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
