i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone came in the potted fern
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
