I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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