we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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