I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
