I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
