from now on my penis is your penis
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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