I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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