that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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