I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He did a backflip because drugs
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