dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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