I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
