I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
