The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
