if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
