there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
