I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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