Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
