I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize