You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
