Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
