dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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