shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
how drunk are you?
Several
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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