I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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