i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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