am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
