I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
