Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
