you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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