Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize