Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How's work?
Spinning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
